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The Lioness of New York submitted 2011.02.11 01:55 PM by Willis viewed 2109 times


I read a story yesterday about an unfortunate yoga instructor from New York. Her name is Ms. Lula Thomley, and she had gotten herself stuck in the lion pose.

Two weeks ago Lula was alone in her studio. She crouched down upon her yoga mat, opened her eyes as wide as possible, stuck her tongue out, straight and firm. Her hands rested on her kneecaps, splayed in the manner of a large cat. She began to breathe deeply, and it was during the third inhalation that she was paralyzed. She had remained that way overnight.

The following morning several of her students arrived for class. They discovered Lula rigid as stone, uncommunicative. There was much discussion among them as to what should be done with her. The consensus was that every disaster provides and opportunity. Ms. Lula Thomley would be donated to the New York Museum of Modern Art. She was loaded into the back of a student's van and taken there.

For two weeks Ms. Thomley was exhibited as an expression of post-modernist rage against grain-based diets. People traveled from all over New England to gaze into her tragicomic face. They contemplated the meanings hidden deep within her imposing features. They left irrevocably confused.

ButsSo goes modern art.

To her credit, though, Lula had become a very popular attraction in a very short time, earning the museum much needed funds. But, sadly, it was not to last. It appears that the museum's windfall ended yesterday when Lula suddenly pounced on an old woman carrying a black-and-white striped handbag. No one was injured in the scuffle, but security had had a very tough time pulling the purse from Lula's mouth.

Lula is now recuperating at home in the small apartment she shares with her Siamese cat. She plans to resume teaching yoga very soon. She has no memory of the incident, and although she is expected to make a full recovery, doctors warn she may roar occasionally in mixed company.









rating: 6


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