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Why I've Been Absent Lately submitted 2010.05.19 10:16 PM by Stixs viewed 1600 times

No, I didn't have a kid, or get married, or do anything exciting...unless you consider learning exciting!

I've been ridonculously busy this past year learning way too much in far too little time, but that's the price you pay to be able to turn your nose up a few years later and say "That's *DR* Ben to you"


I decided to share some of the more interesting things I've learned with you guys because I have 20 free minutes and I don't want to study my lecture about cysts

I'll try to explain things that I don't assume are common knowledge, but without making it too scientific

All the muscles of your arm are controlled by nerves that come out of a bundle in your neck called the Brachial Plexus. They all interweave and give off new nerves with lots of fancy names - the three most important ones that control your hand, fingers and forearm are: the Radial nerve (because it travels along your radius); the Median Nerve (because it's in the middle); and, the Ulnar Nerve (because it travels along the ulna). Lesions to these nerves make your hands and wrists do interesting things.

Radial Nerve Lesion - anytime you see a gay man flop his hand about and say "Hey-ey!" think 'Radial Nerve Lesion'. It causes Wrist-Drop (which also occurs from vitamin B1 deficiency in alcoholics, btw)

Median Nerve Lesion - you'll permanently be flipping people off

Ulnar Nerve Lesion - You get either a crab-claw for a hand (not to be confused with syndactyly, which actually gives you crab-claw hands), or you have what's called the Hand of Benediction, where you permanently have Pope-Hand

Your skull is composed of multiple bones the fuse together as you age, one of these bones is called the Occipital bone, and it connects to the spine at the first cervical vertebra. The occipital bone is actually a modified vertebra, and if the gene that controls its development is mutated then it never grows and stretches to support your whole brain, and as your brain enlarges and your skull stays the same size, it slowly lobotomizes you. Don't worry - you're a fetus and are spontaneously aborted before the first trimester, so you don't feel a thing.

Pregnancy tests are NEVER wrong. They test for a hormone that is ONLY made in pregnant women. Ladies, if you pee on a stick and it says you're preggers, then you're preggers. If you stop being preggers a few weeks later, then you had a spontaneous abortion (note, spontaneous abortions occur in most pregnancies).

One exception to this: Guys, if you pee on the stick and it says you're preggers, then you have testicular cancer. Go to a doctor immediately.

There is a space in your neck behind your esophagus and in front of your spinal column that starts just below the back of the mouth and opens up into your chest. This space is called the Danger Space (do not confuse this with the Danger Zone from Top Gun). It is called this because if you get an infection in the roots of your teeth, it can spread down this space, get into your heart and kill you.

Anyhow, the interesting thing is not the space itself, but how we were taught about it. I am going to quote from my dissection lab manual

"To learn about the Danger Space (more properly termed the Alar Space), you are going to dissect it. The best way to access it is to remove the one obstacle in the way - the skull.

Turn your cadaver onto its stomach and reflect all posterior cervical [Ed: neck] muscles. Find the Atlanto-Occipital Joint [Ed: where your head connects to your neck] and dislocate it, being careful not to cut the esophagus or trachea on the anterior aspect of the cadaver.

After this is done, flip your cadaver onto its back and reflect the head forward onto the chest.

Insert a gloved hand just posterior to the esophagus, but anterior to the spinal column and push your fingers in and out feeling the loose connective tissue. This is the Alar Space"

Lesson Learned: Anatomists are sick bastards. They just had a roomful of students flop a head onto a chest (while leaving the esophagus and trachea connected) and finger-bang the open neck-hole of a dead body. Awesome.

If you ever experience pain upon urination in your lower abdomen and have difficulty urinating, and if any urine that comes out is dark in color, don't assume it's a prostate issue. That would be too obvious. Scare yourself into believing that it's a diverticulum with a fistula

What does that mean, men of pH? It means that it's more likely, according to my pathology professor, that your bowels will kink, shoot off a tube, and connect to your bladder, allowing fecal matter to be expelled through your penis, than it is likely that you have prostate issues.

Fun fact, right?

So...yeah...that's why I've been absent for a while, but hopefully this submission filled with useless scientific nonsense will entertain you at least for a little bit.

Remember to floss!


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