|pHpH round #1: Letters To The Queen submitted 2009.09.04 10:04 AM by Fallen viewed 2934 times|
"Good morning you majesty, the days mail has arrived"
Quietly sipping her tea, the queen motions for him to come in,
"What do we have today, then?"
"Request for clemency?.chain letter?.act now for you Sports Illustrated football phone?Publishers clearing house sweepstakes."
Sorting through the mail, the Queen's assistant continued to sift through the basket of letters.
"Oh..this looks interesting"
He held up an envelope covered with words such as "Urgent" and "Priority"
"What do you have there, James?"
"It appears to be another letter from that American; shall I put it with the others?"
Placing her cup on the desk, she reached for her glasses.
"I'm in the mood to reward his persistence, let me see what the fellow has to say"
Letter #38 RE; Immigration rejection
Dear Her Majesty Royal Highness Imperial Princess Defender of the faith
This is strait bollocks!
The wankers at immigration have denied my request for citizenship, stating a lack of "Knowledge of the Realm". Bloody Hell I have studied until I was daft as a brush, I have eaten so much clotted cream and scones my heart barely beats. I know beans should be spelled "beanz". Blimey, Bacon Buttys have driven my cholesterol off the charts. I even enclosed a picture of me in my Manchester United shirt and figured, bobs your uncle. But NO, the plank at the desk must have been a Liverpool fan.
Can I call you Liz?
This is hard enough learning all this stuff as a Yank. My head, (sorry bonce) was full of hot dogs and NASCAR, and I had to figure out soccer? The clock runs backwards for cryin out loud!
You guys don't use tea bags; tea is sometimes a drink and a meal? I went a month terrified that if I had coffee for my tea break I would tear a hole in reality or something. I saw that Dr. Who episode where the space ship crashed into Big Ben so I figured that the fabric of universe is thinner there or something. I guess I don't know how tea figures into the equation.
But then it's ok for me to have coffee a Tea time?
It's all too confusing.
C'mon your majesty you got to let me stay, please.
Elizabeth removed her glasses and stood. Silently she walked to the window and stared for some time, out towards the clock tower.
"Your majesty," James interrupted "this office doesn't face Big Ben"
Ring the Immigration department and tell them the American can stay"
"Very good Mum"
word count: 425
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