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"It's No Big Deal" submitted 2009.07.24 08:14 AM by Fallen viewed 3126 times


Well, now that I have the attention of every guy reading this, allow me to explain.

"Nothing will bring a guy in as quick as blood in the urine" so said my urologist, I hope he did not pay a lot for this school he went to.

I was one of the unfortunate guys to have this happen to. I awoke like any other morning, stumbled into the bathroom to take the morning piss when, HOLY SHIT what's with all the blood?? I let it slide and waited. Years ago it happened and my general doctor says some times it can happen, there is a lot of blood and hydraulics in the peener and it happens.

Fine, once.

It happened three times in two weeks, twice with the added bonus of having a clot slide its way out before the torrent of gore. Not unlike shooting a raisin out the end of my hose.
I'll wait for the gag factor to subside.

So I'm thinking infection, cancer, gnomes living in my wang and all sort of heinous shit. Urologist here I come.

When you go to the urologist the first thing you will do is pee in a cup,
all the time
every time.
I don't know why. After explaining the situation to the doctor and the cute nurse the parade of humiliation begins. I pee in the cup,
Then comes the groping of the bean bag, then the anal violation. Yes anal violation, I dont want to think about it. None of which are done by the afore mentioned cute nurse I might add.
I am told to return for an MRI of the crotch and then the following week the Cytoscope.

I don't fucking care what Google tells you, the Cytoscope was invented in Hell.

I return on the fateful day, and yes, pee in the cup. I am taken by the nurse, not the cute one but a chick just the same. She has me de-pants and explains she will inject Novocain into the opening of the penis.

"No, there is no needle; it has a catheter tip to go inside."
I am not comforted by this.

She grabs my junk which has turtled in self defense and numbs it up, then puts a large paperclip looking thing on it. She then tells me to stay relaxed and breathe because if I tense up the doctor will have to force his way past some sphincter on the way to the kidneys.

Of course he will.

Finally the doctor arrives and grab grabs the Cytoscope. This thing looks like a telescope with a ridiculously long cable on the end. Complete with flashlight and hose that is running to a bag on an IV stand.

With NO warning he shoves this hose/ light/ cable combo DOWN MY PEE HOLE and starts feeding it in like a chimney brush, hand over hand!
I swear I could hear him humming "CHIM-CHIMINEY-CHIM-CHIMINEY- CHIM-CHIM-CHE-ROO"
This is going in and all I want to do is piss.

Imagine every piss you ever took for the last ten years, flowing together and trying to get out past the scope cable in your dick. It's like that.

He looks around, says "Hmmm" a lot then pulls all this out of my junk like he's starting a lawn mower.
I am left, naked, puffy, violated and numb and told I'll be given a moment to clean up.

After all of that, nothing, not a thing wrong with me, I'm fine.

Blood from the penis just happens sometimes.

rating: 18

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