|Life, Death, Rebirth. submitted 2009.07.18 04:26 AM by Symbolic_ viewed 1527 times|
I remember a time ago, a time when trust flowed like a raging river. A time when truth was abundant in the garden of virtues. A time when patience was always in stock, and jealousy was the moldy loaf of bread you bought by mistake and threw away.
Thing of it is, The river of trust was so dependable, no one ever expected its rage to burst through the dam and wash away the garden of virtues. Everyone frantic took to the store and soon patience was out of stock. All that was left was the moldy bread you pulled from the trash can. With no alternative, you took bites of the parts where no mold was growing.
And in a nutshell, that's what growing up is like.
I'm not a good person, and I haven't been for a very long time. Though I may preach peace, and talk a good game about how we should love one another. I haven't loved myself enough, or others the same. No I've been living in fear for a very long time, and still live in fear as I type this. I'm at a point in my life where I'm not sure what I should do about anything. Frankly, I don't think there's very many people out there willing to listen to me. And those that do, well they've got their own lives to live, and I can't expect them to keep listening forever.
I face ethical dilemmas on a daily basis. Not to say, you yourselves don't. Let me ask you a question dear pulse. Is it ethical for a manager to impose group mentality, by pointing out the pretty girl in the group and making fun of her? Thereby, having the group regularly pester said pretty girl about the aforementioned fun making? For that matter, what would said authoritarian gain from doing such a thing? Answer, Power. Unfortunately, the act is usually a subconscious act, and done out of pure innocence. Though, some people know what they're doing and I'll leave it at that.
(here's a blast from the past)
Enter, Nostalgic Moment!
"At my job, I've seen many people come and go, and recently two people I've worked with the most were about to/are quit/quitting. I'm glad the one isn't leaving, however sad the other is. I really can't blame her, she got caught up in the drama that exists there, and once you do your job is as good as gone really. So, she couldn't handle it, so she quit. I wouldn't say we were exactly really close friends, but it's kinda hard not to get to know some body you work with for hours on end almost on a daily basis. I know I'll soon forget about it, and she'll just be another lost memory. Another person that i've seemed to float into and out of their life. Perhaps I made an impact upon them or perhaps I was just simply another run of the mill acquaintance they'll recall at a random time. Who knows.
I know this though, it sucks. And that's about it. It just makes me think about the first girl I worked with on graveyard, and how she just quit and didn't say a word to me about it. I suppose her and I were close, she'd often ask me personal questions and I'd answer them, she'd some times ask for my advice and I'd give it. We'd joke around with one another and etc.. all the time. She had a husband and a son so it wasn't as if I was interested in her in that way, but we were friends. I'm just not the kind of guy to intrude in relationships or even attempt to. I recall the last day we worked together/last time I saw her. She had told me previously she was going to quit and she told me I looked very sad when I told her that, in truth I was, however I didn't blame her for quitting. She was pregnant and she was afraid she'd lose her baby like she did so many others. Well then she told me she was kidding and it eased my concerns.
I remember that morning she gave me a ride home from work and I told her bye and that I'd see her tonight (at work). She had a sorta sad look on her face and just told me bye. Well she didn't show up that night or any other night she was scheduled, and turned out she put in her two weeks notice that morning. I'm not sure I can forgive her for that, it was like something out of a movie. But life went on as it did, and always does.
I've never really talked about that before, not even to people I work with. Whenever asked I'd say "Yeah sucks that she quit" And just move on. But I don't know, she was one of those people that was hired around the same time I was, and we pretty much learned everything at the same time. And then... she was gone. It made me sad like I said, but there really wasn't much I could do, so I just forgot about it and repressed the memory if anything.
Well, her replacement was a cool person though, fit to fill the shoes needless to say. We've gotten close, but not on the same level. I don't know, but if she leaves (like the other girl I mentioned in the beginning) my entire shift is doomed if anything. These new potential candidates, it's as if they have no substance what so ever. It's like they're either too focused on their job or too focused on something else, and they're just freakin zombies with a dull sense of humor. And the majority of them don't know shit, and learn things at a severely slow pace, because they don't want to learn it, it's aggravating.
But I don't know I've seen many people come and go, but it's always the saddest when it's someone on your shift. Mostly because they were people you were cool with, and you just knew you could get through the night wihtout having to stay more than thirty minutes after your shift was over. And most people, just aren't fit to fill their shoes if anything. I can honestly say to a degree she will be missed, however she may one day be forgotten.
Thank you for reading."
One more Ethical Dilemma. Is it ethical for a manager to take more than his fair share when at the same time he preaches to the employees the importance of why nobody else can get free food? For that matter, to exchange food for free oil changes? Honestly I don't care either way, I just dislike it when the employee has to look at a sign that says in bold NO MORE FREE FOOD. When four to six pizzas walk out the door at least twice a week for family of management, and management themselves. Not a good way to keep morale high, if you ask me. Then again, I'm not a manager what do I know?
Total balance: $-1,056.73
That's a hard reality I've had to come to accept. It's sad I agree, I can't go to school this fall and I can't really do anything at all save go to work, which at this point I'm pretty much doing for free. Sadder part is, that's my balance after I just got paid. I made some very stupid decisions in getting pay day loans. I wish I hadn't but there's no going back on that. I'm doing the whole debt consolidation thing on Monday, however am not sure if it'll work the way I'd like. I'm losing weight, however am barely fitting into my jeans and every belt I've ever bought ends up breaking on me. I'm not saying any of this for pity, this is my situation, I dug my own hole on this one I honestly did. The money I received, I spent it on beer and other things. I did that, for stupid reasons as well. I gave all that up about three to four weeks ago and haven't looked back. Drinking has brought me nothing but bad luck, the other things have only skewed my perception of reality.
To all parents out there, talk to your children. If you ask them about their day, and all they say is "It was ok". It's not because nothing happened, it's because nothing they think you might find exciting happened.
At this point, I welcome all my destroyers, and whatever form they assume. Let them use whatever information they choose, I have nothing left to hide and have been running for far too long. In truth I just want peace. I've been at war for far too long, not just with myself, but with the outside world as well. Problem is, some people in this world they love the concept of war, but can't acknowledge or understand the toll it takes on the human psyche. They don't realize all the people they trample along the way playing the careless General. I know where I stand and feel I'm a blade of grass away from rock bottom. I will always think to myself, no matter how bad things are, they can always be worse. I was able to go to school and do well, however let a girl and my own selfishness bog me down. I ask for nothing from you fellow reader, all I ask is when you enjoy and savor something in your life, do it more so just for me. That is the greatest gift you could ever give me. Forgive me for the sappiness of this post, I didn't mean to come across that way. Regardless, thank you for reading.
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