|No Comment. submitted 2009.06.20 12:30 PM by Symbolic_ viewed 1951 times|
|((Don't know what to say bout this one, except, I was probably honest and if that offends you, I apologize wasn't my intention.))|
Let's have a feast, an orgy if you like. Let's drink to self destruction, I'll spend my last ten dollars, not because I want to, but because I fucking love your company. Let's let our words flow like the sands of time, let's make small talk after hours. Let's pretend we're both alive again, our eyes of sapphire haze. Let's destroy the outside world because it promised us everything but gave us only half. Let's rebuild it in our image because we are that egotistical and I'm the lord of flies.
Our table is ready, and we read the menu. My legs are restless, your lips are cherry red. I ask you "What are you getting?" You say "I don't know" so we look at the menu, I point out stuff you might like, you point out stuff I might like. The waitress returns with our drinks and stares at us impatiently.
I want to fly too close to the sun, I want to feel the heat on my back, I want it to burn a hole where my eyes used to be. I want to be a walking corpse with no regret. I want to erase all my memories because that's what separates me from everyone else. Throw me to the wolves, throw me in the worst situation you can think of, watch me land on my feet and swim on. Watch me survive, but forget how to live. Watch me live, but lose the will to survive.
Drink to dying brain cells, smoke to cancerous lungs, laugh at everyone else who won't indulge, laugh at those saving up to be old. Fall out of your chair, make a mockery of all you ever thought you stand for, bring the shame down and let it swirl in your brain. Call them up at all hours of the night, insist you aren't inebriated, and don't forget to tell them you love them. Find yourself a bar, meet the ugliest person you can, and fuck till dawn.
".......I'll have the roast beef" And for you Ma'am? "I'll have the chicken" Excellent. The waitress takes the menu, we fumble with our words. Nervous and empty, confident and full, two sides of a coin out of print. Then you get a call, and you take it......
I forgot myself somewhere along the line. I'm making everything else up. I've just memorized everything every detail so well that I can just put my brain on auto pilot with no consequence and this is fine with the outside world. A series of reactions, and a series of interactions, all as listless and meaningful and meaningless as the last. Alternating sequences, decaying voices, dying wishes, deadly words. I space out till I've forgotten the world around me. I look out to a place I want to call home, but instead find a cold brick wall. I did it to myself you'll say, it's all my fault, I'm blaming everyone but myself, everything but the cause. But it was always fifty fifty, you just want to escape with your conscience in tact. And I just want to escape with one good memory to hold on to.
I get up I walk out, I'm immature, I'm overreacting, I'm tired, I'm brain dead, I need a cigarette, I need a hug.
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