|The Antagonist submitted 2009.05.30 02:02 PM by Thornicus viewed 2035 times|
|Old flash fiction piece I wrote a few years back. Figured I'd repost here for some more constructive criticism than Uber had to offer.|
Based on a dream that I had...yes, really...enjoy.
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My jaw dropped open and time stood still as I threw open the door to the executive office of the warehouse. Justin laid there in his arms, his thin blond hair gently being caressed by the maleficent, aging hands.
"Get away from him, you sick fuck!"
His dark green eyes slowly rose to meet mine, and as I stared into his hypotic glance, I saw the darkness behind his eyes and knew that it was too late for Justin. Damnit. Always one step ahead of me. As I cursed my luck, an evil, mirthful cackle escaped from his lips. Only then did I notice the small trickle of blood flowing from between Justin's legs. What remained of his shredded clothing lay in a heap of rags underneath the desk.
Blood boiling with rage, I screamed at the top of my lungs and charged at the pedophile. "Uh, uh, uh..." he tsked, dropping Justin and waving his finger. "One more step and I blow up this warehouse, with you and him in it." He clutched a gleaming remote control in his left hand. A small orange-red button blinked slowly, warning in two-second intervals of the imminent consequences within its control.
"You'll die too," I reasoned with the evil intruder, spreading my hands out in a peaceful gesture. "So why do it?"
Laughing manically, he cocked his head and replied, "Do you really think that I would not have a route of escape for myself? You should know me better than that, worthy foe." Backing towards the rear exit, with his right index finger poised over the button, he uttered, "If you want him to live, you have thirty seconds...NOW," then pushed the button and fled through the doorway.
Shit. My chance for option two fled through the door with him. I swiftly grabbed Justin, threw him over my shoulder, and bolted through the main office door, down the steps, and back towards the warehouse export loading dock that I had entered ten minutes ago. A shadowy figure ran seventy feet ahead of me, his trenchcoat whipping behind him as he jumped from the dock and into the black night.
Ten seconds later, a wall of orange heat rose up behind me in a gigantic roar of sound as I sailed through the dock entry, lifting my feet off the ground and catapulting me and Justin through the air into a nearby trailer. As I fell onto my side, I clutched Justin to my torso and rolled away from the fire as quickly as possible. Once we were safely away from the flames, I examined him for injuries. He was still unconscious, but appeared unharmed aside from the torn flesh around his anus. At least the bleeding had finally stopped.
"What compels a man to assault a twelve-year-old boy..." I muttered to myself, covering Justin with a blanket for warmth, and then turned and ran into the night after his assailant.
Three hours later, a sweep of the city had turned up empty for the madman. "This isn't how it was supposed to end!" I cried, thrusting my fists against the lamppost at 53rd and Hayworth. "Where IS he?!?"
As if on cue, a voice dripping with sarcasm uttered, "Looking for me?"
I lifted my head and there he stood in front of me, with a pool cue in his right hand and a cocky grin from ear to ear. "This is why you'll NEVER win, and I'll ALWAYS triumph!" he cried, jabbing the cue stick at my abdomen. I quickly dodged to the side and the tip struck the lamppost in a small burst of smoke and flame.
"Mortar caps?" I intoned, reaching for my semi-automatic pistol on my belt.
"Yup. But that's not all, you know," he replied, and pressed a hidden button on the handle, launching a bullet from the tip of the cue into my hand. I dropped my pistol and howled in pain. "Hahahahahahahahaha!" The hunted had now become the hunter. As he gave chase, I ran towards the center of town, ducking into a department store in the shopping mall.
Hopefully I can rest here until my hand can be tended to, I thought in a panic as his silhouette appeared by the store window, then paused. Laying frozen inside a large toy chest, I held my breath until he resumed walking. Phew. He hadn't seen me.
I laid in the chest for another minute to catch my breath and plan my next move. Suddenly, without warning, a ceiling tile above me parted in two and a downpour of colored pellets cascaded from the ceiling into the toy chest, engulfing my body and head and filling the box to the brim.
Struggling to force my way out of the pellets but immobilized by their weight, I opened my mouth to breathe. Big mistake. The pellets forced their way into my mouth and began to suffocate me. As I attempted to swallow the pellets, it was then that I realized they were not toys or marbles, but chocolate M&Ms.
Gasping for air, but slowly choking on the candy, I heard the click of wingtip shoes outside the toy chest and knew that it was him. "Candy, you...crazy...bastard?!?" I rasped, as the M&Ms fully lodged in my throat and cut off what little space remained in my airway.
As my world went black, I heard his flagitious voice sing, "You are my candy boy, and you've got me wanting you..."
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