|Letter written to Rinpoche Tuesday December 2, 1997 submitted 2013.12.12 04:39 AM by Willis viewed 1935 times|
Como Se Va La Cosa? Florida racism is quite impressive did I mention? Here are some sutras to keep you busy. Study them carefully and walk alone like a rhinoceros. Here is my addition to the Khaggavissana:
42. Know this, O bretheren, certain women cannot be trusted.
Knowing that you are not around, they will find
another so they will not be lonely. Seeing the grief
and embarrassment which comes forth from this, let one
walk alone like a rhinoceros.
(Note: Sutta is Pali; Sutra is Sanskrit - they both mean saying)
I will mail the rest when I am finished typing them. I am also enclosing the Prajnaparamita Sutara or "Heart Sutra" named so because it is the "heart" of the Mahayana teaching.
(Note: Maha is Great; Yana is Vehicle)
I have been making daily pilgrimages to the library and reading poetry and magazines and Buddhism and reading too much and losing my mind. I found the Dharma Lion and I've been reading further into it.
Keep a notebook in your pocket at all times and write down your thoughts, feelings, etc. Read them the next day or a week later or whenever the hell you want and then ask yourself: am I sane? I bet not!
I also checked out a considerable amount of Buddhist books although I haven't time yet to pour through them. I've been going on long walks at all hours of the night in a caffeinated haze from too much green tea those crazy Zen masters they say it helped them stay awake so they could meditate more.
I walk along streets I've walked along thousand's of times before, or so it seems. Owensboro is such a cold place, with its memories and monuments to my stupidity and every building has its painful memory for me. I believe that living in Owensboro is a test of some sort, a test to see if you can turn out an individual. Can you turn out drug free? Did you turn out a bigot? Do you sleep around? What is love to you? Is it a fifth and a whore? These questions are put before someone here. I believe I've beaten this place. All I've wanted to do since I care to remember is to make myself a better person. I want to prove that I am not like these people here, that I think, that I care, that I am an individual. This place is so very cold.
Yesterday I went to Bowling Green with Kevin Vance. He was taking a car compact disc player to his "friend person." We talked a great deal about politics and the like all the way there and all the way back do I hate politics. He is wanting to start a band but I'm wanting to skip town this place is cold. I go to the railroad tracks by my house and sit there, after I take plastic bags full of things to the Salvation Army. Tonight I have finally rid myself of the last thing Crystal Dant had given me. I have talked to her infrequently on the phone since I have returned. She seems to be enjoying my suffering. I believe I just need someone to tell me that I'm a good guy. I want to go next door and hold my neighbor's daughter and kiss her. I want to look into her eyes and hear her say it - anybody say it. I feel betrayed.
"My body in hers
Give it back!
I don't consent now
I want it all back, my semen
Now I'm just experience
Her reminder to not repeat the mistakes
she made with me
Give me back my sex and love and
feelings and moments and go and fuck him
and leave me alone."
I sit here now remembering when I said I'd never be with another person.
I sit here proud of the fact that I'm not.
That I stood firm in that resolve, one thing I didn't go back on. I sit here lonely because of it.
I would ask you to come and play guitar for us but I don't think you would like it plus I don't want you to get stuck here. I don't know if I'm gonna play bass or drums or if I will even play at all. Owensboro is samsara personified, a perfect example of the need to practice "THE WAY."
I hope you and your girlfriend are fine, although, I do want you to take to heart line 42 of the Khaggavisana Sutra. I hope all the people I met there while I was in Florida are blessed with perfect happiness. Be a good Buddhist Trenton! Keep practicing meditation and reading Kerouac, Ginssberg, and Burroughs (old Bull) till your eyeballs explode.
Here are the Four Reliances:
1. Do not rely on individuals rely on the teachings.
2. Do not rely on the words rely on the meaning.
3. Do not rely on the adapted meaning rely on the ultimate
4. Do not rely on intellectual knowledge rely on wisdom.
The Buddhas who reside in every direction and every quarter to
kindle now the light of Dharma for those who grope bewildered in
the gloom of sorrow."
Write back and tell me your plans: Are you still considering Louisville> I have this crazy idea of raising $500 and just traveling like Kerouac or Ginsberg and keeping a journal but I also want to start a band so I don't know, I'll let you know. Remember I love you and that the revolution is coming.
In this life or the next,
(P.S. Maybe we should become writers? Maybe you were onto something!)